Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
