Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
