Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
