sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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