Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
