totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
