wakey wakey hands off snakey
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
