dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
