Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
