He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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