Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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