I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
