U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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