this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
