Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
