Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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