I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
