I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
what day is it and did you see me today?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
