dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
