I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I smell like Dick and happiness
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
