You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
