He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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