I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this boner is exhausting
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
