Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Acid is not a monday night drug
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
