my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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