I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
