Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
