Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
