Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are we still banned from the library?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize