porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
