it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
