bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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