Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
