The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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