Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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