North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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