Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
