you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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