thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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