if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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