it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
