Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
