somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
high people should be assigned attendants
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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