I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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