so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
