my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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