im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
