i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
