Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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