If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
