Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
