Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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