fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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