guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
