I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
