i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
