from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
