Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
try to milk me bitch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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