The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
