He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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