it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
