i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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