Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
