There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
