I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize