She's JV to your varsity
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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