The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
