i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
