Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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