Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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