That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
