Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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