It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
