My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
