I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Everclear isn't food dammit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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