actually, I'm a sock model
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
