i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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