he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
