Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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