u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
