I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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