So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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