do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
