U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize