HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
