his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize