Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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