At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
