New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You're like the curious george of whores
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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