Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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