I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
