just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
