That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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