she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
