I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
