Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
