im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
