Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
