with your own penis?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
