I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Houston, we have a blender
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
