At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
