just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
