half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
