Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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