end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize